


if you're a seascape, i'm a listing boat

by merlinemrys



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, F/M, Flirting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 04:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/921942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlinemrys/pseuds/merlinemrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikaru sucks at flirting. The good news is that Pavel doesn't. The bad news is that Hikaru sucks at being flirted with, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you're a seascape, i'm a listing boat

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [如果你是海景画，我就是条小破船](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7455106) by [Lalaith_Airfree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalaith_Airfree/pseuds/Lalaith_Airfree)



> many thanks to beth and carly for betaing this, and ariel/bailey/whoever else for putting up with me throughout it :D the nyota/hikaru and all other non-pavel hikaru ships are in the past.

Hikaru was good at many things, like fencing, growing plants, taking care of unicorn space dogs, and making out. 

He was also bad at many things, like taking off the parking brake, calling back home, avoiding getting drugged, and not crying at movies.

But there was only one thing he was awful at. And it was flirting.

Nyota discovered this when he came up to her in a bar during their academy years, blushing and tugging at his collar and looking everywhere but at her.

"I, um, could you," he stammered out, staring resolutely at a point just above her left shoulder. "Could I. Drink you a buy. I mean--fuck, um. I could. Do you want me to. Buy a drink. Like, for you. Because um. You're really pretty. Uh."

Nyota wanted to send him packing, she really did, but he looked so pathetic with his hands wringing about and upper teeth gnawing at his lower lip, and he was actually really cute (once you got past the miserable attempt at a pick-up line), that she took pity on him and befriended him instead.

She quickly learned that when he wasn't trying to flirt, Hikaru was attractive as hell, and they tacked on "with benefits" to their relationship status as "friends." He had the friendly and approachable hot guy look completely down, even if he wasn't aware of it himself, and although his apparent coolness was ruined the instant he started talking about something he liked, he was still pretty damn hot.

For her twenty-third birthday, Hikaru ate her out and gave her a book of awful Starfleet pick-up lines. Most of them were still better than Hikaru's.

For his nineteenth birthday, Nyota gave him a blowjob and made him promise to never, ever try flirting with anyone again. Ever.

"Tough shit, Hikaru," she grumbled when he complained, pinching a nipple and making him yelp. "You can't flirt. I know this. You know this. Your mom knows this. Admiral Archer knows this. Admiral Archer's beagle probably knows this, too."

"I'm not that bad," he protested weakly, rubbing his sore chest.

"You asked Lemli if he wanted to fence with you. In bed."

"That was impromptu."

"You told Rand, and I quote, 'that flatter curves your dress!'"

"Shut up."

"You told Riley that his phone was missing your number."

"That one was okay," he said stubbornly.

Nyota sat up in bed and stared at him in disbelief.

"Hikaru, we don't _have phones_. They went out of style _seventy years ago_."

He threw a pillow at her face. It missed and hit his lamp, instead.

"Sixty-nine," he grumbled into Nyota's waist.

"Is that a correction or a request?"

Hikaru pulled away from her to smile imploringly, and damn if that grin wasn't killer.

"Both?"

Nyota grinned back.

//

Hikaru kept his promise about not flirting, unlike his promise about keeping his underwear on while in Nyota's room. He stared longingly at people like Kirk, and McCoy, and M'Benga, but he never made a move. Or whatever it was he considered to be a move. Sometimes his object of interest would pursue him, instead (Hikaru remembered the time Nyota walked in on him sucking Jim off with fond horror), and sometimes not.

There wasn't a problem until after they officially dropped the benefits, after they graduated, after the entire Narada incident, after Nyota found her t'hy'la in Spock. Because that was when Pavel caught Hikaru's eye, and everything went to hell.

"You're not gonna flirt with him, are you?" Nyota asked, watching Hikaru suspiciously as he gazed moonily at Pavel in the mess hall. Hikaru jolted and spun around to look at her, guilty and affronted.

"No!" he grumbled, stabbing his pasta while watching the way Pavel threw his head back and laughed at Scotty's joke. "He's just--really cute, is all."

She regarded him through narrowed eyes before shrugging and turning back to her stir fry noodles.

Pavel came to sit by them and Hikaru's fork missed his mouth fourteen times throughout the course of their meal.

//

Hikaru waited until Nyota was on her break before making his move.

"Hey--um, Chekov," he started, and the ensign looked up from the navscreen with a slight grin. They'd developed a friendship based on quiet games of BS over their PADD's, and Hikaru had lost half his possessions to Pavel's damn poker face.

Today, however, Hikaru had different plans.

"If--if I could, um, rearrange the keyboard, I'd put. You and me together. Wait um. I mean I. I mean--fuck, uh, beta alpha. Alphabet! You and me in the alphabet. Fuck. I. I mean I."

Pavel's smile had dissolved into a look of alarm and confusion.

"Sulu," he said hesitantly, as if he were afraid of tipping Hikaru off the deep end. "Are you--okay?"

Hikaru's face burned as he turned back to his console, frantically trying to seem like he was doing something.

"Yeah! Uh, fine. I was just. Nevermind. Long day, huh?"

He laughed nervously.

"Hikaru," Pavel said, and if he was using first names on the bridge it had to be bad, "we have been at the console for two hours only."

There was an awkward silence, punctuated only by the whirring of the deck and what might've been the captain stifling a snort into his fist.

"Right," Hikaru said, not meeting Pavel's concerned gaze. "Right. Riiight."

He endeavoured to put the entire thing out of his mind.

At the end of an abnormally quiet alpha shift, Hikaru steeled himself once more. He performed a cursory check--Nyota was preoccupied with translating some obscure message, Jim was staring at McCoy's ass (why was McCoy even on deck, Hikaru silently wondered)--before launching into action.

"Hey, Chekov," he said quietly, hopes a little crushed by the wary look in Pavel's eyes. He trooped on. "Did you fall from the sky? Because your eyes. Are stars, I mean. Or have stars. Wait hold on. Um."

"Alpha shift's over," the captain lazily called out, predatory gaze still trained on McCoy.

"The punchline is to cross the road. Bye!" Hikaru yelped out, bolting off the bridge before Pavel could respond.

Perhaps a more direct plan of attack was in order.

//

Hikaru waited a week for Pavel to stop shooting him worried glances and for Nyota to stop mouthing "I'M WATCHING YOU" every time he breathed in Pavel's direction.

He found him during their off time one day at the bar in a rare moment of solitude, the fingers of one hand drumming against his glass and the other scrolling through his PADD.

Hikaru hid behind a potted plant until the barkeeper headed to the far side of the bar.

"One appletini, please," he said quietly as he slinked up to the counter, trying not to draw Pavel's attention. She gave him an only slightly judgmental look as she nodded and left.

"And a straw," he added, and this time the look was definitely judgmental.

He sidled up to Pavel minutes later with appletini in hand.

"Hi Pavel," he said, voice cracking. Oops. Pavel looked up, blinking in disorientation for a moment before smiling tentatively.

"Do you, um. Wanna come over someday? After alpha shift. To, um."

There was a dawning look of horrified understanding on Pavel's face. Hikaru didn't see it. He was staring at a point just above Pavel's left shoulder.

"To look at my plants," he finally blurted out.

Pavel's eyebrows shot up.

"To...look at your plants," he repeated flatly.

"...yes. And uh. So I can--I mean, if you want, I'd like to--uh--check you off. Chekov. I mean, off my list. Of people I wanna do. That--uh, only has you. And the check was because. We did the do."

Hikaru's voice slowly dwindled away until it was hardly more than a whisper. He lunged for the straw of his drink with his face, chasing it around with his tongue as he kept his eyes firmly trained above Pavel's left shoulder.

After a minor mishap with his nostril, he finally caught the straw in his mouth. Success.

Pavel slowly rose from his seat, PADD tightly gripped to his chest. He backed away slowly, watching Hikaru apprehensively the entire time.

Right before he turned, he hesitated, reached out his hand, and gingerly patted Hikaru's head.

He left the bar quickly, but he swore he could still hear Hikaru muttering about "maybe...I'd paw at your bell, Pavel?" as he escaped.

//

"Miss Uhura," Pavel said, nervous but determined, "forgive me for my intruding, but I have an urgent question."

Nyota raised an eyebrow in a move that which was, quite frankly, a bit uncannily Vulcan. She put down her harp and turned to him. He sat down beside her, seeming to gather his resolve.

"You are--good friends with Hikaru, yes?" he asked, and Nyota felt a creeping sense of dread. She nodded slowly.

"Do you know--um--I do not mean to sound, um, arrogant. Or pretentious, or to assume anything. But is he--trying to flirt with me?"

Nyota sighed deeply.

"I was afraid this would happen," she groaned, massaging her temples.

"So he...is?"

Pavel's face was a mixture of horror, bewilderment, and interest. Perhaps there was hope after all.

"Yeah," Nyota said grimly. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"How is it that someone so attractive," Pavel said slowly, "is so bad at--flirting?"

"Unsolved mystery of the universe. Why is Jim always eating in the captain's chair? How does the doctor's grumpiness only serve to make him more attractive? Why haven't Spock and I had a threesome with Christine yet? We may never know."

Pavel blinked rapidly at her last comment.

"Well," he plowed on, "if I returned his affections, or whatever they are, how would you suggest I proceed?"

"Hikaru's a genius, but he's as about as obtuse as a one-seventy-eight degree triangle. You'll have to either outright tell him what you want, or be a master of seduction or something."

"Oh!" Pavel perked up. "I can do seduction."

Nyota suspected some of her disbelief showed despite her best attempts to conceal it, judging by Pavel's scowl.

"Sorry, sorry, Chekov," she said, assuaging his bruised ego. "Can you just...give me a demonstration?"

"On you?" Pavel asked, eyebrows drawing together in consternation.

Nyota leveled him with a _look_.

"No, no, that is not what I mean, I just--Scotty is right there, I'll call him over and practice on him, yes?

Nyota continued staring.

"It's just--" Pavel flapped his hands miserably. "You are a very lovely lady, Miss Uhura, and I would be honored to flirt with you, but Commander Spock punches very hard, while sandwiches cannot punch at all."

He looked so earnest and cute, looking up at her with a little rueful smile, that Nyota was half convinced already.

"Don't worry about it," she said, tapping away at her PADD, "I'll let him know what's going on.

Pavel looked mildly alarmed.

"He will not find this...illogical?"

"Oh, no, he will," Nyota dismissed, "but he'll accept it."

She could feel her affection for him grow as the corners of his eyes crinkled.

"So," Pavel said, low and quiet, accent sliding almost but not quite to the point of being unbelievable. He slid over on the bench a little, thigh just barely brushing against Nyota's. "I am not meaning to sound, ah, forward, but--"

Pavel ducked his head and flicked his tongue over his lips, teeth biting down just once on his lower lip, making them just slightly redder. He gazed up at her through lowered lashes, and Nyota felt a pang of regret that she hadn't met an older version of Pavel back in her academy days.

"I was wondering eef you were wanting to come to my quarters? We could...wind down, togezer, da? Anyzing you'd like, really. Whatewer it is, as long as..."

Pavel's foot bumped against the inside of Nyota's ankle as he took one of her hands and brought it to his mouth in a chaste kiss.

"As long as I'm with you, I suppose," he whispered, gazing into her eyes with a shy little smile.

Nyota blinked.

"Holy _shit_ ," she said, bringing her free hand to scrub her face. He dropped her hand and broke out into an enormous grin, leg drawing away from hers as he bounced up and down excitedly.

"Do I pass mustard?"

Nyota snorted.

"It's muster, not mustard. Pavel--can I call you Pavel? I think I can, after that--if I ever find myself with evil inclinations. You'll be my first choice of backup."

Pavel positively beamed.

//

Nyota cornered Hikaru at the bar, tucked away in a little alcove by himself. She dropped down into the seat across from him and stared at him expectantly.

"Did you try to flirt," she asked, more a statement than a question. He pouted and traced circles in the table.

"No," he muttered grumpily, not meeting her eyes.

"Hikaru. Don't lie to me."

He sniffed and continued to glare miserably at the table.

"Hikaru. Honey."

Hikaru sniffed again and collapsed forward onto the table.

"Yes," he moaned, "I'm--hic--sorry Nyota, he was just so _cute_ and now I've probably ruined everything--hic--and he thinks I'm weird and creepy I just. I just wanted to kiss his face."

He flopped off the table and onto the floor, sniveling quietly.

"C'mon, you lightweight," she said, pulling him up and casting a disparaging look at the single martini glass on his table. Probably an appletini, she thought bitterly.

"This is what you get for not listening to me, you know," she chastised lightly, slinging his arm across her shoulders and dragging him towards his room. A wave of nostalgia hit her as Hikaru hiccuped and nodded weakly, burying his face in her shoulder.

"Thanks," he slurred as she dumped him on his bed. Nyota rolled her eyes but couldn't fight back her smile.

"Lights, five percent. Go to sleep, Hikaru."

The door slid quietly shut behind her.

//

Operation Seduce the Obtuse went into effect the following week, slightly delayed first by Hikaru's avoidance of Pavel, then by a rather troubling incident with tribbles, and last by another attempt at flirtation from Hikaru. Pavel had offered a pained smile, and only that; Nyota had warned against encouraging him.

Pavel began rather innocuously, really. A casual invitation to go at a round of chess in his quarters--laced with just the right amount of a teasing smile and emphasis on "to go at a round"--and he found himself sitting across from Hikaru, both of them stripped down to their black undershirts.

"You will have to watch out for my queen, Hikaru," Pavel said, smiling coyly up at him. "I have a unique way of handling her, you know. You have to be when...serwicing such a delicate instrument."

He slowly slid his fingers along the length of the chess piece, slipping his thumb over the top before trailing his fingers down again. He checked to see if Hikaru was watching.

Hikaru was not watching. Hikaru was looking at his own chess piece.

"Is this rowan? Man, I haven't seen rowan chess pieces in years. Hell, I didn't even know they made wood sets anymore. Is this, like, collector's?"

Pavel stared at him flatly.

"Da," he said lifelessly.

Perhaps a more direct plan of attack was in order.

(Pavel trounced Hikaru so soundly that they were both giggling hysterically by the end of the game. A failed attempt in his mission, perhaps, Pavel mused to himself, but not at all an unpleasant way to spend his evening.)

//

Days later, Pavel found a perfect opportunity to further his mission when their captain reported that they would be entering an asteroid belt. Not a particularly dangerous one--all of them were fairly slow-moving, and it was doubtful that Hikaru would crash into those even if he was successfully distracted--but Jim warned that it would be a rocky ("Bones! Do you get my pun?") trip.

"You are handling the controls wery well, Meester Sulu," Pavel said, voice low and velvety. "Almost...loving, in the way you caress them. That is the word, yes? Caress?"

Hikaru shot him an odd look.

"Jesus, Chekov, I'm not Scotty. I don't want to make love to the ship."

"Oi!"

Hikaru ducked and winced.

"Oop. Sorry, Scotty." 

Scotty shot him a glare and returned to his conversation with the captain, still grumbling under his breath. 

Pavel pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Hikaru continued weaving through the asteroids, hands steady on the controls. Pavel's gaze lingered longingly on them. God, were those fingers beautiful.

He shook himself out of his reverie and rose out of his seat, nodding towards Kyle.

"Bathroom break, sir," he said, making sure to accidentally brush his fingers over the back of Hikaru's neck. Pavel grinned at the way his cheeks flushed red.

On his return trip, the ship was hit by a particularly violent asteroid, and with a forced yelp, Pavel tumbled right into Hikaru's lap.

"Ah! Hikaru--I, I mean, Sulu, sir!" he practically mewled, revelling in the way Hikaru had gone completely frozen. He wriggled around on Hikaru's lap in a feeble and false attempt to get off. "I am so sorry! I did not mean to fall, ah!"

And then Hikaru fell off his seat.

And the ship swerved into an asteroid.

Nyota dragged a hand over her face in despair.

//

"Why the hell," asked Jim slowly, "is Pavel pulling the whole...'cute Russian jailbait' routine? Like, man, Hikaru's a straightforward guy. Just. Just jump on that dick."

Nyota didn't even bother with the withering look. Spock took care of it for her.

"It seems that after Lieutenant Sulu's failure to achieve a romantic liaison with Ensign Chekov, the obligation of seduction now falls upon Ensign Chekov himself."

Jim pulled a face.

"Agreed, Captain," Spock said smoothly. "The intricacies of human mating rituals will never cease to evade my understanding."

"These are not human mating rituals. It's just Hikaru. Being Hikaru. Please, Spock, don't consider him part of your data, he's so far of an outlier that he might as well be in a different galaxy," Nyota sighed.

"Noted."

They stood there in pensive silence, mulling over their pilot's failure as a seducer, until Leonard came out snarling about "damn kids, loitering around my sickbay" and wielding a hypo like a weapon.

//

Hikaru and Pavel normally took lunch together at least once a week, although in light of recent events, Pavel had been trying to increase the frequency of these meals. Sometimes he worried about Hikaru's heart rate--he would turn bright red and his eyes would get twitchy every time Pavel did his yawn and stretch, riding up the hem of his shirt--but Nyota assured him that if Hikaru could survive freefalling off a drill, then he could get through some flirting. Probably.

"I have heard zat zere is a fencing zing happening on Earth right now?" Pavel asked over a bowl of soup.

Hikaru nodded enthusiastically, hands fiddling with his fork.

"Yeah, the International Fencing Federation hosts this thing every year, and they started accepting non-Terran teams just a few years ago, so it's gonna be insane. Did you hear about that guy with the fifth limb?"

Pavel raised an eyebrow.

"Nyet."

"Okay, so--by the way, are you still practicing with those recordings? I think your accent got stronger. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with your accent! It's part of you and everything, and it’s, uh, I mean--but I was just--wondering. And I uh. Um. Right. Okay, three arms."

Pavel tuned out the rest of Hikaru's ramble, glaring moodily at his soup.

"...and so the FIE had a _fit_ over the whole 'but tentacles have suckers!' things, right? But now--ah, oops," Hikaru paused as, in an overly energetic sweep of his hand, his fork went flying off the table. Pavel dove for it just as Hikaru did, and they lightly bumped heads under the table. He could feel the sweep of Hikaru's fluffy hair against his forehead.

"S--sorry! I didn't--um--"

Hikaru broke off at Pavel's intense stare. Pavel could see every individual eyelash, every pockmark and the faint line of an old scar running on the side of his face. He smiled, slow and shy, as he scooted forward minutely and wrapped his hand around Hikaru's, holding the fork together.

He leaned forward and his eyes started to drift close; this wasn't an optimal place for a first kiss, obviously, but it would suffice considering the situation.

Hikaru suddenly squeaked and jerked upwards, hitting his head on the bottom of the table. He hissed, falling onto his side and rolling out from under the table before scrambling out the door with a hasty excuse about fencing tossed over his shoulder.

Pavel stared at the fork on the floor miserably.

"Why," he mumbled, crawling out from under the table and finishing his soup. "Why this. Why me. Why this. Why."

//

"Nyota," Pavel announced, dropping into the seat across her wth a dramatic sigh, "Operation Seduce the Obtuse is failing. Miserably."

Nyota groaned and set down her chocolate latte with one last longing stare. "Have you tried the accent?"

Pavel scowled.

"Yes," he grumbled, flicking listlessly at his sleeve, "he asked me if my accent got worse."

"Have you tried...touching him?"

"Everywhere!" Pavel cried, throwing his hands in the air. "You saw me on that bridge. I was practically giving him a lap dance, eugh. I have tried accidentally falling into him. I have tried bending over to pick up a pen right in front of him. I have tried every innuendo I know. I have tried falling asleep cuddling him while watching movies--he cries at those old animated Disney movies, did you know? I have tried sucking on so many phallic objects, I don’t think I can ever eat popsicles again. I have tried accidentally falling to my knees right in front of him. Hopeless! Completely futile! I do not know if he is ignoring me or if he really is so--so _thick!"_

Nyota's brow wrinkled.

"How do you 'accidentally' fall to your knees in front of him?" she asked.

Pavel looked shifty.

"I have my ways," he said enigmatically. "The point is--the point is I do not know how to get in his pants. God, I just want to make out with him. Why is he so stupid?"

Pavel fell forward, face slamming into the table with a thunk. Nyota rolled her eyes, but extended a hand to pet his curls.

"Do something big. Make it obvious. It's fine if it's ridiculous, just...get the message through."

Pavel snorted against the table. "What, you want me to cover my naked body in rose petals and wait on his bed?"

It was unsettlingly quiet.

Pavel slowly lifted his head to see Nyota very slightly smirking at him, eyebrows raised.

"...oh my god."

//

“Hello, Gertrude,” Hikaru mumbled, plopping down in front of his favorite plant. He flicked his hair, still damp from his post-workout shower, away from his eyes so he could pull a face at the creeper plant. “You understand me, my friend.”

He sighed and pillowed his head on his arms, shutting his eyes. Gertrude trilled in concern, and Hikaru faintly grumbled.

It had been a hellishly long month. After his failed attempt to seduce Pavel (maybe he could try again in a few weeks?), Hikaru’s attraction to him seemed to have grown exponentially. Suddenly, everything that Pavel did--from eating his food to doing his job to just sittig next to him--had, to Hikaru, become sexy to the point of distraction. Hikaru felt dirty, almost, getting so turned on by Pavel doing the most mundane of tasks, and suppressing his urge to flirt with him or make out with him was seriously taxing his mind. Nyota was acting weird, too, grinning at Pavel conspiratorially and sometimes giving Hikaru this contemplative look that was starting to freak him out.

"Why did I do the thing, Gertrude," Hikaru groaned, wiggling his index finger at the plant. "Maybe if I'd just--asked him out, or something, then I'd still have a fighting chance. Now he just. Gah. I'm so lame. I suck. I'm so lame, oh my god."

With a final sigh, Hikaru pushed himself to his feet and patted Gertrude on what was probably a near-approximation of her head.

"Night, Gertrude," he said, and started back towards his quarters. He entered his passcode and wrangled off his gold shirt before he even entered the room, muttering "lights, seventy" to the darkened room.

He froze with his shirt still stuck over his head at the sight on his bed. Pavel was splayed across the mattress, resting on his elbows with a cocky smirk on his face and smatterings of freckles all over his pale body. His hair was tousled and his lips were bitten and red as the rose petals scattered across his crotch, legs crossed enticingly.

Hikaru’s breath caught in his throat, his mind blanking and eyes flickering back and forth, unsure of where to land. Eventually he found himself staring at the petals strewn across his legs.

Somewhere in his mind, a neuron fritzed back to life.

“Are those--” he croaked, suddenly aware that he had at some point managed to claw off his shirt. “Are those my flowers?”

Pavel’s face changed from an inviting smirk to a look of utterly bewildered shock in the blink of an eye.

“You could be allergic!” Hikaru said worriedly, approaching the bed. He haltingly tugged his shirt over Pavel, blushing profusely, to protect himself from bursting in flames if nothing else. “God, Pavel, these are a cross-breed of Andorian and Terran Arrowtown roses, you could be allergic, okay?”

“Hikaru, I--”

“Shh,” Hikaru hissed, cutting him off as he yanked Pavel off the bed and pushed him towards the bathroom. He was careful to keep a firm grip on Pavel’s shoulders through the fabric of his own shirt, all too aware of how fuckable Pavel looked in the oversized command shirt that hung off his frame. “Go take a shower right now. What blood type are you?”

“Er, A positive. Hikaru--”

“Okay, good, you’re not an O, you terrified me for a moment there--okay here don’t use the sonic, take an actual shower, the soap’s on the wall and I don’t know where your clothes are but um. Keep the shirt. Uh. Okay. I’ll go now.”

Hikaru cut off his babble and slammed the door behind him. He exhaled and slumped to the ground, burying his head between his knees. All of the events of the past week--Pavel’s newfound friendship with Nyota, his sudden decision to have weekly movie nights with Hikaru, the filthy smiles he kept sending Hikaru’s way--were all finally clicking together. Hikaru groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face, indulging himself in a moment of self-pity before hauling himself to his feet. He dug around in his dressers for the smallest pair of pants and shirt he owned, tossing them in front of the bathroom door.

Hikaru bolted out of his room at the call of his name from inside the bathroom, muffled by the sound of running water. He stood with his eyes closed outside his quarters, all too aware of how frazzled he was and the fact that was only wearing his black undershirt.

With a sigh, he pushed himself off the wall and began trudging over to Nyota’s quarters. They would be having _words._

//

When Nyota heard the knock at her door, she twisted her head so fast her that ponytail smacked her in the face. With a grin quickly spreading across her face, she scrambled off the bed and for the door, expecting a dazed and blissed out Hikaru standing at her door, spouting with profuse thanks.

Instead, the Hikaru she found at her door--frazzled, twitchy, not looking her in the eye--made the smile drop off her face as a look of worry took its place.

“God, Hikaru, what’s wrong?” she asked, ushering him into her quarters. He sat down tentatively on the edge of her bed, still not looking at her.

“Did--did something happen? With you and Pavel?” she ventured.

Hikaru’s eyes flicked up to meet hers and darted away again, the air heavy with tense silence.

“Look, you--” he finally burst out, cutting himself off with a huff. “You don’t--have to pity me, or whatever, okay? Like, I get that you’re trying to look out for me or whatever, but you don’t have to-- _coerce_ him or whatever into flirting with me.”

Nyota’s jaw dropped in realization.

"No, Hikaru! He _likes_ you, you idiot, do you--"

"Seriously, Nyota, he--okay, I get that you have like, this older sister thing where you feel like you need to--I don't know, look after me or something, I get it, I have a big sister, I seriously get it, but could you just. Not? Okay?"

Hikaru dug one of his hands in his hair and rose from the bed, already walking towards the door.

"I don't--I don't need your pity, okay? God. And I don't need Pavel's either."

He stormed out before Nyota could get another word in. She cursed and dropped down on her bed, rubbing her temples.

She grabbed the PADD when it beeped insistently at her, practically growling in anger as she opened up her messages.

New Message from: **Ensign Pav. Chekov**

 **[2313 - Chekov]** nyota  
 **[2315 - Chekov]** shit nyota answer  
 **[2315 - Chekov]** hikaru is really stupid  
 **[2316 - Uhura]** I know. He just came into my quarters.  
 **[2316 - Uhura]** He thinks you're flirting with him out of pity.  
 **[2316 - Chekov]** WTF HIKARU  
 **[2316 - Chekov]** UGH SERIOUSLY  
 **[2317 - Uhura]** Yeah, his self-esteem could use some work.  
 **[2317 - Chekov]** I DONT SHOW OFF MY ASS FOR ANYONE  
 **[2317 - Chekov]** fucking asldfjsf  
 **[2317 - Chekov]** i still have his shirt ugh stupid stupid stupid  
 **[2318 - Uhura]** ...do I even want to know?  
 **[2318 - Chekov]** NO  
 **[2318 - Chekov]** ugh i am not drunk enough to deal with this. i will fix tomorrow. or something ugh STUPID HIKARU  
 **[2318 - Chekov]** good night nyota

NOTICE: **Ensign Pav. Chekov** has signed off.

//

Pavel had imagined that the instant he arrived on the bridge, he would chew out his stupid pilot and proceed to make out with him ferociously.

Unfortunately, his fantasy was ruined by the fact that Hikaru wouldn't even look at him, much less be open to listening to his ranting. He'd just barely glanced up when Pavel arrived at his seat, blushed, and ducked his head back down with a mumbled greeting. Pavel didn't have the heart to work himself into a rage over Hikaru's stupid kicked-puppy look.

Halfway through alpha shift, Pavel couldn't stand the jilted silence and stiff orders anymore. Nyota had been shooting both of them worried looks, but Hikaru hadn't even acknowledged her, and Pavel could only grimace in return.

"So, um," he said quietly. Hikaru inclined his head the slightest bit, eyes glued to the vast expanse of space. "Do you want me to return your shirt?"

Hikaru winced. Pavel could see the tips of his ears flushing.

"No, it's okay, uh, you can keep it," he stammered, suddenly very interested with the shininess of his lever for warp drive. "I have, um, this shirt, I guess, and another. So yeah. It's fine."

Pavel chose not to comment on the hole in Hikaru's sleeve. They lapsed back into an uncomfortable silence. Pavel cast a desperate look at Nyota, but she looked just as hopeless as he felt.

"Hey, Chekov, look," Hikaru finally said. His voice sounded reluctant and his speech halting, as if he was physically forcing the words out. "Sorry that Nyota dragged you into this, I guess. You didn't need to, y'know, play along or anything. So thanks, I guess, it might've been--I don't know, sorry if it was a pain or whatever."

Hikaru laughed but it was a quiet, brittle laugh, and the smile plastered on his face wasn't convincing in the slightest. It was his eyes that did it, though--blinking rapidly, tightened at the corners, still looking away from Pavel.

Pavel launched himself at his stupid, sexy Hikaru, and punched him in the mouth. With his own mouth.

There were probably murmurs and more than a few gasps going around the bridge, but Pavel honestly couldn't care in the slightest as he lost himself in the glorious wet heat of Hikaru's mouth. Apparently, everything that he lacked in flirting, he more than made up for in makeouts, Pavel thought distantly as Hikaru drew back to nip and lick at his lower lip. He may or may not have whimpered in response.

They finally drew apart to a cacophony of raucous shouts and hoots from all corners of the bridge, a long-suffering Spock sitting by a still-catcalling Kyle at the helm. Hikaru grinned shyly, first at Pavel, then at a spot behind him that he assumed was Nyota.

Worth the wait, Pavel thought to himself smugly, and bent forward to peck Hikaru again.

//

Jim silently handed over fifty credits to Nyota, who was smirking in a way that seemed both self-satisfied and genuinely fond.

"I have the weirdest boner right now," he mumbled to himself, face drawn in consternation.

Five meters away, Hikaru opened his mouth and Nyota stiffened by Jim's side.

"Pavel, I--"

"Shh. Hikaru. No," Pavel said sternly, smushing a finger to Hikaru's lips. He patted his cheek, perhaps a little harder than he needed to.

"Please. Babe. _Milyi._ Stop while you are ahead."

Hikaru smiled up at him, and _damn_ if that grin wasn't killer.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was inspired by a multitude of text post, including but not limited to [this](http://suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulu.tumblr.com/post/56709470721/imagine-sulu-flirting-really-really-badly-with) and [this](http://suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulu.tumblr.com/post/55443807445/imagine-sulu-and-chekov-watching-up-together-and). the "pass mustard" scene was pretty shamelessly stolen from jason todd. title from "sea legs" by the shins. the world _milyi_ is a russian term of endearment that means both "you're cute" and "you're mine" according to my ukranian friend.


End file.
